Imprisoned

"Remember the prisoners as if chained with them, and those who are mistreated , since you yourselves are in the body also."--Hebrews 13:3

Thursday, after not feeling well for awhile, I went to the doctor to find out that my sinus conditions had flared up again and it was bad enough to warrant another shot.  The nurse practitioner warned me that I would have a day of "hot flashes" and get to experience menopause momentarily, but that the following day I would feel much better and energetic.  Bring it on!

I woke up Friday ready to go, got dressed, getting things done....and then I received a call that felt like I was being punched in the stomach.  A Nurse from the correctional facility my biological father is in called me to inform me of "his condition".  She stated that as his emergency contact, she needed to let me know that he was "very, very sick".  She kept saying this, and I interpreted it..."close to death."  She stated that he had been complaining quite some time of not being able to breathe.  They finally sent him out of the prison to a hospital where they learned that his heart condition was deteriorating.  The doctor wanted to do a triple-bypass surgery on him, but his lungs are very weak and they are unsure he would even make it through the surgery.  He refused the surgery, so they were going to "treat him aggressively with medication...as best they can."  Again, she stated "I need you to know that he is very, very sick." 

My heart sank. I have no idea what to do.  The thing is, we haven't had the wonderful relationship most daughters have with their dad.  He has been the absent father, the alcoholic, all things to himself at times.  I have felt that he has been selfish.  But, I have tried to provide the unconditional love that is supposed to come the other way.  Now, here we are at what is possibly "the end".  First of all, I will be the emergency contact called if something happens.  That means that I have to notify my family, my siblings...as I did yesterday that something is wrong.  Second, I feel that I should go see him, but I'm currently in quite a situation myself.  I have no vehicle, no money, etc.  Third, what happens if the end happens? What do I do? How do I take care of things?  It is frustrating.  And I wondered why I had never even considered it before.

You would think that would be enough stress for one day, but hardly.  Later in the evening I received another phone call from an inmate that is imprisoned with my brother.  I could tell by this guy's voice that he was a rough guy, but he was also concerned about getting himself in trouble.  He had to hurry with the call and he had to give limited information.  My brother is locked up in a federal penn...it's serious business...stuff "goes down" in there ALL the time.  So, this guy tells me that my brother "has had a little accident" and that I really, really need to call and check up on him.  He says "do you know what I mean?"  And I wanted to say NO, please clarify.  But, I knew better.  My brother has been trying to prepare me for something to happen to him, he keeps telling me that he may not make it out alive, keeps trying to tell me to help his son remember him.  I keep praying for him, I have my church group praying for him, and now "an accident" happens. I'm sure it was no accident.  I'm sure that's the way it had to sound for the phone call, and I couldn't put this guy at risk who tried to call me. 

So, I call the prison, and call, and call, and call....  It's a prison, you know, full of corrections officers and prisoners and the like...but NO ONE answers the phone.  I keep calling, keep calling.  I get an automated service each time, I press the "0" like it says, it rings, rings, then sounds like an alarm going off, then ticking...then hangs up on me.  So, instead of dialing the number, I dial one number up (they have to have multiple lines in there, right?)...and I get through to a human being.  Thank the Lord.  Only, they don't want to help me, they can't tell me anything, etc.  They tell me I have to "call back during normal business hours" and I asked when that would be...they told me today between 8am-4pm.  They are an hour ahead of us in time, so I set an alarm, got up this morning, and called...

I called the line I got through on and the guy was hateful to me, he said I wasn't allowed to call that line, it's not the business line. I told him I could not get through on the other line...his response, "eventually you might".  I called the other line for over 40 minutes, not able to get through. I even pressed "1" which is the visitation line, it was an automated system regarding visitiation that hasn't been updated since January 13th.  I finally called the other line back, repeatedly.  People kept hanging up on me.  They just picked up the line and put it back down. I kept calling, I tried other numbers, I kept calling...finally the guy picked up the phone again. Rude. Like "I thought I told you not to call this line?"  And I said "You are NOT just getting rid of me, something happened to my brother and I want to know what it is, I will keep calling until you have someone talk to me." 

The Bible teaches us at times to be persistant.  Luke Chapter 18 tells of a widow who came t a judge to be avenged, but he would not hear her.  She kept coming.  Luke 18:1 "men always ought to pray and not lose heart."...."And the judge would not for awhile, but afterward he said within himself, 'Though I do not fear God nor regard man, yet because THIS WIDOW TROUBLES ME, I will avenge her, LEST BY HER CONTINUAL COMING SHE WEARY ME."--Luke 18:4-5

I persisted until he gave me to a case manager; however, it was not my brother's case manager and he simply told me that my brother had a "right to privacy" and he could not tell me what was going on.  He advised me that the normal case manager would not be there until Tuesday (since Monday is a holiday) and that I could attempt to speak to him then.  So, again, I'm left not knowing what is going on.  He said to "be patient" (yes, the Bible teaches us that as well)....he said "we are the government, we take our time" (thanks for sharing)...and he said my brother may just decide to call me anyday (I'm not sure if he has a way to call me).  So, here I am left not knowing.  He did tell me that whomever was my brother's emergency contact would get a call if he was fatally ill or dead.  So, I know it's neither of those, I guess.

The Bible tells us not to be anxious as well, to leave things into the loving, caring hands of our God. 

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."--Phillipians 4:6-7

"When I am afraid, I will put my trust in thee."--Psalm 56:3

"Come unto Me, all you who labor and are heavy burdened, and I will give you rest."--Matthew 11:28

I'm not sure of what will happen to my dad or my brother, but I know I have to trust the Lord with it. I have to let it go, I have to cast my cares upon him.  But, as I started this post, I'm asking all who read it to remember those in prison.  You may not know anyone, but if you know me, say a little prayer for them.  It is such a burden on the families as well.  I'm sure none of them think about this before they commit their crimes and go in, but it hurts us too.  As always, thank you for listening.