Let Go and Let God

People ask how I can be calm in chaos, it's easy....when you know God is in control, you relinquish what control you think you have.

That's my big thought for the day, Let go, and let God.  Let Him have control of your life. When you realize that something is out of your control, recognize that God will take care of your needs, He has the big picture, He has the plan. 

"For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope."--Jeremiah 29:11

"Your eyes saw my substance before I was even born. And in Your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them."--Psalm 139:16

"And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus."--Phillippians 4:19

"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."--Phillippians 4:7

And yes, there is a story...

Today I was awakened almost like any other day lately, my mentally challenged aunt at my door, knocking, and wanting to get a cup of sugar.  Only, she had with her a visitor, my younger cousin (who is my baby sister's age).  I haven't seen my cousin, or either of my Uncles in nearly 20 years. 

That's the thing about family: you CAN always pick up where you left off.  No matter how much time has gone, you still love each other; you still feel like you know each other; you can visit unannounced.  Enter, CHAOS.

My Grandmother and my aforementioned aunt have always lived near us, always.  I have faint memories of she and my Grandfather showing me how to use a CB radio in Indiana before the age of 5.  When Grandpa was sick, we moved to Florida; after he passed away to Missouri, and have been here ever since. Grandma always living somewhere close, and now even on the same property.  The aforementioned Cousin and Uncles, well, there were years that they lived near us in Florida, and again in Missouri; but they have also lived in Illinois, and for the last 20+years, in Alabama. 

Over the years Grandma has needed more care, has become stubborn in her ways, difficult to persuade at times.  She and my mother do nearly everything together.  My 12 and 13 year old sons help to care for her; they and my Dad filling the gap of a man around the house.  Daily we deliver three meals a day to my Grandma and my Aunt.

KNOCK.

Today, my Uncles and Cousin arrived unnanounced to take my Grandma and Aunt to Alabama for a "visit".  Unannounced.  Last night. one of the Uncles spoke to my sister, asking for Grandma's address so he could "send her a postcard".  There was no plan, no pre-packing, no awareness that my Grandma and Aunt were about to leave. Simply, we weren't told.  There were comments that it was to be done in the middle of the night so that my Mom and/or the rest of us could not stop them from taking Grandma.  In fact, there were comments that they were prepared to fight if necessary.

What?

Are we the only family to deal with such issues? Is this normal? Confusing.

My Mother-upset; Aunt (also a daughter "left behind")-upset; Dad-confused as to why "it all went down this way"; Sister-upset and arguing with the family via facebook; other Sister-resigned to the situation. 14 Great-Grandchildren who have ALWAYS had their grandmother-sad & defeated. "Why did Grandma want to leave us?"

What nearly broke my heart was my nearly 14-year-old son when he started crying uncontrollably.  When I asked him what was wrong, he brought up his other Grandma who left (to a nursing home) and passed away last year (2010) before Christmas.  He doesn't want to think he will never see his Grandma again.  He also brought up his "Uncle" who passed away abruptly last year in a tragic accident.  My other son had tears in his eyes too.

Then it dawned on me, Grandma has been telling my sisters and the kids that she "doesn't have much time left", that she'd like to see my Uncles (yes, THEM) "before she dies", and that this was probably her "last Christmas".  She has also been confusing facts about relatives, and talking about those who have passed like they are still living---what her mother did just before she passed away.

Today, the family ran back and forth between our place and Grandma's.  Different people talking to each other at different times.  Snipes exchanged.  Smiles. Hugs. Laughs. Remember whens.  Saying goodbye. Pictures. Comments.  Chaos.  Some wanted others to say something to the Uncles and Cousin.  Some wanted physical violence. Some wanted the day to be over. Some wanted to make the goodbye good enough...just in case.

The general concensus was that my Uncles had come secretly because they felt we would take action to prevent Grandma from going with them.  Clearly, there is a lack of trust on both sides.  They also made it clear that they don't feel that Grandma is taken care of well enough.  I understand them listening to and believing their mother, but know they should be measured with the knowledge of Grandma's age and abilities. We have let her try to be as self-sustaining as possible. And she is, after all, 81 years old.  She has tendencies to seek sympathy, become child-like, and quickly forget and even deny what she has said.  Example, recognize the need for some limitations:  Grandma doesn't have a ready supply of sugar on hand because she is pre-diabetic and eats the sugar by spoonfuls, a cup a day.

I welcomed. I woke everyone early to get the day going.  I embraced.  I cleaned. I cooked. I chased 14 kids.  I smiled.  I talked. I hugged. I loved.  Isn't that what my Father (Jesus) would do?

I concluded:  "Boys, you guys have had Grandma all this time, she loves you, she wants to come back.  Your cousins haven't met her at all.  They want to see her, she wants to see them.  I think we can share, don't you?"

THIS is out of our control. Grandma is an adult; she asked to visit; her sons came to get her; they promised to bring her back in two weeks.

To everyone:  "Everything happens for a reason.  The Bible says so.  For some reason, Grandma is in that car and going down the road with her two sons she hasn't seen in a long time.  I don't know if she will come back, I pray that she does.  I pray that isn't the last time we see her.  I pray nothing happens to her. But Grandma is old, she is an adult, she doesn't have all her faculties about her, but she wanted to go. And she's happy. Have faith. Let go and Let God."

Chaos is all around me, but I have Peace. I will be calm. I will be faithful.

Dec-Ember

It's December and a New Year is upon us. I've decided to blog and have a wealth of love and ideas to share.  My first is this, December has the word "Ember" in it. Use the cold winter months, the seasons, each awakening day to spark desire in your heart.  God has a plan for you, He created you with it in mind. It is not a mistake that you are here, on this earth. You have to find your path, you have to create your destiny, you have to be the one to keep the fire burning.  I'm trying to light my own fire.

Diamonds of Wisdom is part of that journey.  You have heard of Pearls of Wisdom, surely...awesome little tidbits that are priceless.  Diamonds are similar, more coveted for their brilliance, they dazzle, they sparkle.  I want to hit you with a flash of brilliance.  Can I promise that always? No. But will I try, absolutely.