When I hear parents contemplating how a move might affect their children, I always think "It WILL change their lives". Most people don't believe that. They think children are resilient, they will bounce back, they will easily adjust and so on. But, there are some things that can never be recaptured. There are some places that are no so accepting. Moving is hard, life-changing.
I grew up in a small town in Florida. I went to Ft McCoy Elementary. I remember that there was a new middle school created just before I left. It was "MY" school. When you start out at a school, when in Kindergarten you make friends and the bus driver seems like your Grandma, well, it all just seems like it belongs to you. You might say that in most areas, I was my school's elite. I was in gifted class; took the next year's state standardized tests (if I was in 3rd grade, I took 4th) and still made a high score; if there was a club, I was in it; I was the safety patrol; all the teachers knew me; I had the same friends since Kindergarten, and we just kept adding more (we were cool like that). I went to school there from Kindergarten until about half way through my 6th grade year. We had just gotten into that new school. There were some new people because a couple districts were put together (new friends!). We were in the year where we could learn all that the new classes had to offer: taxidermy, choir, PE, business and so on. And then...MOVE.
My parents decided to move to Missouri. Mind you, we knew NO ONE there. They felt it would be a closer trip to visit family in Indiana, without actually being in Indiana. My Grandma moved with us, but other than that, we didn't know anyone where we moved. Now, granted, kids are resilient. I made friends, but I wasn't the elite anymore. I wasn't considered all that cool. It wasn't the same. I felt I held my own the rest of my Middle School and High School years. Now, just about everyone in town does know who I am. But, the move was life-changing. I didn't have the friends I had for the past 7 years. Everyone else did, they had all gone to school together, they knew each other, they had those "remember when" times. That made me a bit on the outside. Sleepovers didn't happen much, my Mom only trusted a few of my friend's home situations (again, we really didn't know them). We weren't around people much, didn't have get togethers and so on. Throughout high school, I dated maybe 3 guys locally. I feel like this caused me to end up being in relationships I shouldn't have...like I had no other choice. In Florida, I was going to go to the University of Florida at Gainsville, be a "Gator"; believe me, yes, in 6th grade I had this planned out. There was "no way" for me to go that far away to go to college. I wasn't in Florida anymore, I wasn't a native, I wasn't a gator...I was in Missouri.
It is hard to even explain the extent of how I feel things were so different for me because we moved. But, I can say that it was enough to keep me in one place now, for my children's sake. One son has much more social interaction than the other. But, I know if they stay in the same school K-12, they will know the City Attorney; they will know the police officers, and the fire fighters, and the shop owners...they will know the people who will affect their lives. They will know how things work in the small town we live in. They will know where to go when they need support. They will have roots, and after all, we all need those to grow. And then, they can fly...fly off to another college...be a gator, or even a tiger if they want to. Be grounded, but also grow. Please, think of your children when making decisions.
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